With Gratitude

When I returned to work one of my colleagues asked me how the surgeries went.

I responded: 

"It was a great experience."

I immediately realized that I sounded like a freak.

Who says that surgery, especially a series of surgeries as complicated as this type, is a great experience?

I must explain...

During this ordeal, I learned an incredible amount about my family, my friends, and most importantly about myself.

I learned that my family will be there through anything. They will visit you every day in the hospital. They will bring you milkshakes. They will clean your bathroom. The gruesome moments that no one else sees, they see those, and they will do whatever they can to help even if it means just letting you cry. 

I learned that those who I thought were friends were not really the friends I thought they were. I was shocked when I went 13 weeks without any contact from some of my colleagues whom I previously considered friends. No text messages, no checking on how I was doing via Facebook. I wasn't expecting phone calls, cards, or flowers, but I was shocked by how quickly I was forgotten.

In this, I learned who my true friends are. The many who sent cards which helped keep my spirits high. The overwhelming amount of flowers I received in the hospital - some from friends I had not seen in months. The time taken out of busy schedules to come visit, many driving well out of their way to simply sit on my couch with me. The meals that showed up at our door that kept us fed throughout the entire first month of the ordeal. The emails, the texts, the phone calls, the Words with Friends games. I will never be able to express my gratitude for these friends.

I also learned that "Til death do us part" truly meant that to my husband. He was there every step of the way. He was a full time dad to our new child, a full time caregiver to me, all while working his full time job. He never lost his cool either, or at least never let me see it. He cooked the meals, cleaned the house, did the laundry, and comforted and catered to me. Soup with saltines at 9pm? Grilled cheese at 7am? Run to the store for more Imodium? Trip to the emergency room because I thought I had a blockage? He never acted like I was an inconvenience. He once told me that he loved me because I could help him move our furniture. He has now seen me, someone he fell in love with for her strength and independence, at my weakest and most vulnerable. And I think he loves me more now than he did when we got married. 

And from this all I have learned a lot about myself. You never know what you are made of until you are tested. This was the biggest test I ever faced and I am proud to say I passed. I am still adjusting and I've heard it can take up to a year. There are good days and there are bad days, but I guess I was right...

It has been a great experience.